This kiss…well maybe

Darn right I like Faith Hill!  I like country music.  She makes great music.  So it should be no surprise that I was jamming to one of her older songs.  And it was just the thing I needed to perk myself up since today I’ve been in pretty much of a deep spiraling funk.

“This Kiss” is so upbeat and peppy and happy and full of love, it’s impossible to stay depressed after hearing it.  If you find a way, then I have nothing to tell you.  It worked wonders for me.  With my Ipod on random, I wasn’t expecting to hear it at all.  It took me til my first listen through it that I was singing along with it.  I was totally unaware of it, so busy doing what I was doing.  Put it on repeat after that.

Sure it’s a song that I can’t relate to in any form.  I really wish I could.  It doesn’t detract from the greatness of the song.  My first kiss came to me when I was in 8th grade.  Needless to say I remember it as one of the most awkward and mortifying moments in my life that I look back on.  It’s a memory that kind of sadly affects me now.  After that of course there was more kissing and more boys/men.  That feeling of awkwardness never left me.  As a result I see myself as a terrible one.  It’s pretty ego crushing.

This song I can at least pretend that kissing is an awesome, not a horrible stomach turning experience.  I hear songs and I read books about it and I feel happy little butterflies in my stomach from those.  I’m pretty sure how I would feel if I was either, A: Good at it, B: didn’t really think about it so bad or C: Cared about the person I was engaged in it with.  I’m pretty sure, but can’t say for sure.  At the rate I’m going I may never know.  Oh well.  That’s another crisis for another day.



Wishing Disney returns to its musical roots

I can’t believe I wasted an entire day.  I work nights so I tend to have a pretty wonky schedule.  So I sleep during the day.  Last night I didn’t work, but I was still up all night and most of the morning.  I woke up and saw it was dark thinking it was raining.  Nope!  It’s 8pm.  Oh God.  I can’t believe it.  I had stuff I wanted to do today.  So much for seizing the day.

And that statement quite literally made me think of that song from Disney’s “Newsies”. ‘Open the gates and seize the day.  Don’t be afraid and don’t delay’.  Yeah.  I completely missed that today.  Luckily listening to this song which is so happy and upbeat makes me feel a lot better.  Not about my wasted day, but better than I was before.  That’s what great musical numbers do.  And this is something I think Disney has forgotten.

I don’t remember much about “Newsies”.  I know that Bill Pullman(LONESTAR!!) was in it.  What I do know after coming across it again is that this is an era of Disney that I really miss.  I miss those old live action musical films that they did.  Now that they’ve found ‘success’ in the action genre, I wonder if they’ll ever do a musical again.

I mean, with “Mary Poppins” and “The Lion King” being on broadway now and finding huge critical success, it’s not that their aren’t people out there that appreciate musicals.  I recognize that not everyone is a musical genre lover.  I don’t expect people to be.  But I am one and there are people like me.  Lots of them.  And I feel that our desires to see great musicals are being very much ignored.  Especially from Disney who used to be the king of musical.  At least in my mind.

I don’t want to get into my feelings about “High School Musical” and the reign of terror that it strikes whenever I come across it.  But I have no choice.  “High School Musical”, the first one anyway, was admittedly a solid modern day musical.  The story made sense, the musical numbers were well done and it was cute all around.  Yes.  I enjoyed the first one.  The others not so much.  By that point they were just milking the cash cow dry and I did not appreciate that.  They expected people to love it because it was “HSM” and not because it was any good.

I wrote about “The Slipper and the Rose” a few weeks ago.  Though not Disney it was a musical from my childhood that I remember fondly.  I hadn’t seen it a lot as a kid, but I sure did remember a lot of the songs.  I miss that kind of thing.  Now days, you don’t see too many musicals that people will be able to look back on with a smile in their heart.  And I find that quite sad.

Dear Disney, Do all your musical fans a huge favor and turn back the clock.  Go back to the days when you were awesome and made awesome and thoughtful musical movies that everybody loved and enjoyed.  We miss them and dream of seeing them again.  Done with the care and thought and professional reverence that made you guys household names in the first place and not what you guys are doing now.  We’d appreciate it.  Thanks.  Sincerely, You’re musical lovers.

The Bieber Experiement

When did Justin Bieber emerge for the first time?  I think it’s been a little while.  While I won’t say I hate the kid, I will say I find the hype surrounding him a little disturbing.  Hype of any kind bothers me most of the time.  Especially when it’s to the point where in this case we have people calling themselves ‘Bielibers’.  It’s pure insanity.

I’m a music lover first and foremost.  I’m not going to bash people on what they like.  Or don’t like.  Musical taste are individual and subjective.  A persons own connection with whatever they decide to listen to is all that matters.  So while it may be trendy and cute right now to bash people because they like his music, at the end of the day it’s not cool.  If you are mocking these people because they are rabid fans to the point of idiocy, then go ahead.  They at times forget how to act like humans and deserve that.

I have gone up until this past Sunday without hearing even one of his songs.  I haven’t watched his videos, heard his songs in passing, on the radio or out and about.  When I’m at home I’m listening to all the things I listened to growing up, video game music and music that I come across that’s interesting.  In my car, I’m on oldies and classic rock.  So it makes sense that I haven’t heard anything from him.  I see him everywhere, but I’ve still managed to avoid him, somehow.

So this past Sunday, I’m getting off work and decided to go to one of my favorite hole in the wall joints to grab some breakfast.  I place my order and I’m waiting for my food when this song comes up.  It’s not a song I’ve ever heard before.  It’s a slow song.  It’s has a great melody and the person singing has a beautiful voice.  The guy behind the counter immediately runs to the ipod hookup and changes the song.  I was confused and a bit annoyed at this because I was feeling the music.  So I ask him who was singing the song he changed.  His answer hit me like a cold wet blanket.

I can’t say for sure what I expected when I thought of Justin Biebers music, but I was not expecting that.  At 33 there was about a minute of feelings of shame and filthiness to me because Oh My God, I was just grooving to a Justin Bieber song.  A whole minute.  Because barring who it was singing the song, the fact of the matter was that I liked it.  I liked it.  No harm no foul, move along, nothing to see here.  I should have asked him what the name of the song was.  Since then I can hear that melody lingering in the back of my mind.  I’d actually like to hear the rest of the song.  Just so I can decide if it’s something I want to keep in my head or forget about completely.

I’ve listened to a few of his songs trying to figure it out.  I still haven’t found it and none of his other songs have grabbed me like that one.  But I will say this…the guy is talented.  Like it or not, he is, and his detractors will never be able to take that away from him.  He is doing what he loves and is getting paid for it.  The American dream at work.  He does not deserve all the visceral amounts of hate that comes his way.  As long as he continues to provide what people want, no one can say anything to him unless they are going to step up to the mic and provide something better.

Just the way I am

I started working out recently.  Like on the regular.  I have such a bad body image about myself.  And it’s shameful because a lot of people tell me that I’m very cute.  Well, today I actually believed some of those people.  And lo and behold, my confidence booster is over 9000!!  This whole changing of mindset thing has been challenging.  But over all I think I have become a better person for it.

That said, I found a song that I think I will listen to every day for the next couple of weeks.  One the way home I heard the song “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars.  I’ve heard the song before, but I never knew who it was.  I also only just listened to it with half an ear.  Today I really listened to it and it just made my confidence soar a little higher.

I actually have that person who tells me that I’m beautiful, amazing and perfect as I am, but like most women I can’t take a compliment.  But after hearing that, I think that will be my theme and mantra for a while.  It made me feel so good.  And I like feeling good.  You act and think differently when you do.  It’s not something I do nearly enough.

So as I continue my journey to self improvement, I’ll have a great song that I can turn to to remind me that I am a great person, because I am me.  There is no one else like me(thank goodness :p) and that I am truly amazing just as I am right now.  It’s time for me to accept the truth for what it is.

Animaniacs now puts me to shame

Well, I am currently watching Animaniacs and remembering why it was the best show on television.  It’s true.  This show had everything.  It was funny, it was quirky, it was intelligent without taking itself too seriously.  And in hindsight I must say a tad disturbing with how naughty it was.  But still, it was just modern day greatness.

So I just finished watching the infamous Nations of the world song.  I am ashamed to say that even now at 33 years old, I still could not name even a 3rd of these countries.  It is positively sad.  The great thing about it is that because of this song I actually tried to learn it back then.  And was OK with it.  We all at some point harp on PBS type educational stuff for kids.  But Animaniacs did it perfectly where a young mind was entertained but still educated in some way.  Even though I was 15 when this show came out and should have known half of this stuff anyway is beside the point.

United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru…that’s all I remember.

Watching it made me think of the temp job I had back in November.  Myself and a few ladies where doing our sorting when I brought up the Animaniacs segment where they sang about the fifty states and their capitols.  I admit that I cannot name all fifty states, let alone the capitols.  We actually spent 45 minutes that day trying to name all fifty states.  It was pathetic that none of us knew off the top of our heads.  We really had to strain to think about it.  Only thing I remembered were the names of the states I have lived in and Utah where the buffalo roam(actual lyric from the song).

It amazes me the stuff they try to drill into our heads in school as kids we absolutely just flat out forget about when we get older.  I actually used to be good at geography.  Now I couldn’t tell you what region in Africa that Zaire is in.  If I didn’t remember Italy was the country shaped like a boot, I’d never find it.  Can’t tell the difference between Denmark and Finland.  And I am totally confused about the location of Thailand and India.  It bugs me that I’ve lost basic knowledge like this.  I really need to re-educate myself.  Seriously this is sad.

Oh Oh Oh Amadeus!

So I get into a randomize my music mood and put the ole Ipod on shuffle.  The very first song that comes on is “Rock Me Amadeus” by Falco.  I have a love hate relationship with this song.  I love it because the song is so goofy that it’s fantastic.  And I hate it because it brings to mind a very embarrassing situation.

If you’ve never heard the song or seen the video, look it up.  It’s classic 80s nonsensical at its finest.  I have absolutely no idea what that man is saying in this song.  No clue.  I could look it up, but that would ruin it for me as I love the gibberish sounding way he says the lyrics.  The music is so 80s.  Once you hear that synthesizer I’m sure you’ll agree.

The video is weird.  That is the best term I can use to describe it.  I understand the guy is supposed to be the compose Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.  I got that.  But still, whenever I see it, I walk away scratching my head trying to figure out what I just saw.  However, I can take this time to profess my love for powdered wigs.  At least that part made me happy.

Now for my embarrassing story.  Last year I was in the library because I needed to print something out.  I ended up staying long because I tend to get lost on the internet.  So I’ve got my headphones on while I’m surfing the web and I have the tendency to have the sound cranked up unnecessarily loud.  Then the song comes on and I’m grooving to it.  As I said I don’t know the words to the song, so I am just mumbling the nonsensical gibberish as only I know how.  Then the chorus comes on which the words I do know.

I look up from the monitor because I feel eyes on me.  Only to realize it is several pairs of eyes of people looking at me like I had sprouted a second head.  Turns out I was singing loud enough for the people in the immediate vicinity of my location could hear me.  So the fact that I was singing loudly in a library, combined with the fact that most of the lyrics are nonsensical gibberish and these people were not the type of people who listen to the types of music that I do, it was a pretty mortifying situation.

Needless to say, I have to be careful about this song.  It’s just so freaking weird and catchy.  It’s up my alley.  But I need to keep in mind that when my earbuds are in, the music is louder than necessary and if I want to sing along, I need to turn the volume down just a touch.


I’ve been feeling very sick lately.  I haven’t left my house in 2 days.  Hopefully this will all go away soon.  On top of that, I’ve been feeling kind of down lately.  I don’t know why I have these occasional self loathing moments so often, but I’m sure everyone does.  Right?  Every time I feel like I’m getting things together something happens that messes with my head.

Something happened to me earlier this week that put the breaks on plans that I made.  And I feel like such an idiot.  Not for what happened, but because I had hope.  It just seems that every time I have high hopes for something, it never works out.  So after the event I’m out driving around, feeling sorry for myself and I hear for the first time “Perfect” by Pink.  I didn’t catch everything the song said, but I got the first parts of it good enough that I came home and found it and gave it a good listen.

When I get down on myself, I get real down.  And it’s a horrible habit.  I start thinking that I’m destined for continuous failure.  I second guess myself right into mistakes, then make mistakes within mistakes.  Mistakeception.  Why can’t I ever get it right?  Am I really not a smart person.  This is what is going on in my head.  It’s something I’ve been working on changing.

It isn’t easy to think positively about oneself for long periods of time.  We hit the wall sometimes.  What I need to learn to do and I’ve said it in blog posts before is keep an positive attitude no mater what happens.  I’m not trying to meet anyone’s expectations of me because I’m at the point in life where I don’t care about other peoples opinion of me.  My raging battle is always from within.  If I can convince myself not to think less of myself, I’d be a lot better off.

I get what she’s saying if you ever feel like your nothing, you are perfect, in the sense that you can’t let other people bring you down.  You also have to resist the urge to be your own worst enemy, as I am.  Luckily, I sought out and am now surrounded by positive and great people who I can talk to when I get to this low point.  Hopefully, they’ll get fewer and fewer as I’ll get better and better.  This song really made me feel better.