Santa Baby!

Eartha Kitt!  I will forever love you for singing this song.  As despicably materialistic and goldigging that it is, I still think that the song “Santa Baby” is balls to the wall awesome.

This is the Santa Claus I want to appeal to.  This one shops on Rodeo Dr. and Park Ave. and possibly has his own parking space at Neiman Marcus.  As a big girl, this Santa is more suited to providing things I’m interested in.  And since it’s all stuff I can’t afford I feel no shame in asking him for these things.  Let’s see about the stuff she’s asking for, shall we.

I did not know until researching for this blog post what she was asking for when she asked for a sable.  For years, I just sang the song and would be fine with being in the dark about what the heck a sable was.  Turns out she was asking for furs.  And I’m pretty sure I wasn’t alone in this so here I am passing my education along to you.

She asked him for a 1954 light blue convertible.  If he’s got any extras and they still run, I’ll take one.  If it’s a Chevy Corvette that would be awesome!  Or if not, an Aston  Martin DB5 !  Oh!! A yacht?  Hmm, sure, why not.  If it’s the size of a Carribean Cruise ship that will allow me to bring everyone that I’ve ever met in my lifetime on a boat ride with me, that would be pretty darn sweet.

Let’s see, OH!  He’s got access to raw mineral mines.  I’ll gladly get in on those.  Not sure what the status of platinum is, but the jewelry business is still good so there must be value in it.  The price of gold is going up, so if you got deeds to gold mines I’ll gladly take them off your hands, big fella.  If diamond mines are available, I’ll take two!

Also requested was a stocking filled with checks that are signed and ready to go.  Either I need to get more creative and specific when I ask for things, or I need to start hanging out with people who know how to shop.  She also asked for a duplex.  These days the value of houses isn’t doing very well.  And I being a timid and cautious creature who lives alone, I prefer something a bit smaller.  I need to be able to hear everything going on in my place.  However, I’m a smart cookie, I ain’t turning down no house no matter how big.

A Christmas tree…decked out in Tiffany ornaments.  While I’m sure that would be pretty, for a person like me it ain’t practical.  The Christmas trees never stay up that long and I’d have to store all that stuff in a bank safe once the holidays were over and that’s just too much darn work. So I’ll stick with my cheap glass and plastic holiday decor.  I can throw all that in the back shed.  Thanks though!

And lastly she asks for a ring, not the kind from the phone.  Preferably one with about 30 carats of canary yellow diamonds accompanied by a waived prenuptial agreement.  I’m not feeling this one.  A. I’m not the marrying kind.  B. I’m not that much of a jewelry lover.  C. I hear the gifts stop coming after the wedding, so why give all this up?  Kidding about C.

Wow!  This chick had balls of steel to ask for all this stuff.  And a black woman back in the 1950s no less.  That’s awesome.  I wish I had a 10% of her gumption, or access to dudes loaded enough to afford this list.  I lovingly call this a ‘Giftmas'(word coined by a lady we’ll call Neth) song.  Has nothing to do with the spirit of Christmas and all about the spirit of gifts.  Nothing wrong with that once you put it in perspective.


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